No, this post is not about sex with robots; it’s about cars.

Recently my small, not new, but very reliable and economical car was in for a service. As part of the deal, the garage must provide a courtesy car if a delay of more than one day is their fault. I was given the same make and model of car, same engine size, slightly newer, but with one difference: it was an automatic.

In the UK, most people drive a manual.  If you take your driving test in an automatic, you are not allowed to drive a manual, but the reverse does not hold. I had never driven an automatic before, but people who do had told me it was easy. Perhaps, but I didn’t like it at all. It was like a dodgem car, creeping forward every time I took my foot off the brake. Conversely, it was sluggish and unresponsive. I am no boy racer, being too old and the wrong sex, but my driving is brisk: if I spot a gap in the traffic, I nip into it. I like a car to accelerate when it needs to, and I like to go slowly round blind or sharp corners. In other words, I like to be in complete control. I want to drive the car; I don’t want the car to drive me. What’s more, this car guzzled petrol. I had to fill up far sooner than I would with my own car.

I am not an automatic lover.

My instincts are correct. Automatics are inferior to manuals in all kinds of ways, according to Wikipedia:

• Manual transmissions typically offer better fuel economy compared to automatics Increased fuel economy with a properly operated manual transmission vehicle versus an equivalent automatic transmission vehicle can range from 5% to about 15% depending on driving conditions and style of driving -- extra urban or urban (highway or city).
• Manual transmissions are still more efficient than belt-driven continuously-variable transmissions.
• Manual transmissions are generally significantly lighter than torque-converter automatics.
• Vehicles with manual transmissions are typically less expensive than those with automatic transmissions.
• Manual transmissions normally do not require active cooling, because not much power is dissipated as heat through the transmission
• A driver has more direct control over the state of the transmission with a manual than an automatic. This control is important to an experienced, knowledgeable driver who knows the correct procedure for executing a driving maneuver, and wants the machine to realize his or her intentions exactly and instantly
• Driving a manual requires more involvement from the driver, thereby discouraging some dangerous practices. The manual selection of gears requires the driver to monitor the road and traffic situation, anticipate events and plan a few steps ahead. If the driver's mind wanders from the driving task, the machine will soon end up in an incorrect gear, which will be obvious from excessive or insufficient engine RPM.
• Cars with manual transmissions can often be started when the battery is dead by pushing the car into motion or allowing it to roll downhill, and then engaging the clutch in third or second gear.
• Manual transmissions work regardless of the orientation angle of the car with respect to gravity. Automatic transmissions have a fluid reservoir (pan) at the bottom; if the car is tilted too much, the fluid pump can be starved, causing a failure in the hydraulics.
• It is sometimes possible to move a vehicle with a manual transmission just by putting it in gear and cranking the starter. This is useful in an emergency situation where the vehicle will not start, but must be immediately moved.

Far be it from me to lecture Americans, but they lecture us often enough, so what the hell. I accept that, in the absence of decent public transport, you need to drive – I'm not at all anti-car and hate Ken Livingstone for his persecution of drivers – but why such massive, gas-guzzling monsters? And why automatics? Why do you need to keep the gear-changing hand free?