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Monday, 9 July 2012
Portrait of Marriage? Bookmark and Share

The slightest and most seemingly insignificant utterance may in fact be a window on an entire world-view, and therefore worthy of reflection. For example, when leafing through a literary magazine recently that consisted entirely of book reviews, my eye alighted on a brief notice of a recently-discovered pre-World War II crime novel by C S Forester, best-known for his Hornblower stories.

The review was only 113 words long, and contained the following:

It is the story of a brutal husband who is murdered by his

wife and mother-in-law. It’s not really credible, but gripping

all the same – and a salutary portrait of marriage before

women’s liberation.

Note that the reviewer does not state that it is a portrait of a marriage, or even of some marriages, but of marriage, that is to say marriage in general, before women’s liberation. This is a pretty large claim, with important practical implications.

Although the plot of the book, according to the reviewer, is implausible, the portrait of the terrible marriage that gave rise to the murder is claimed to be in some way emblematic, typical or representative of pre-war marriage as a whole. Association between men and women is not like that any more, implies the reviewer, thanks to women’s liberation.

Now let me describe an actual, not a fictional, recent case from England. A man of the name of Shane Jenkin strangled his girlfriend, Tina Nash, to the point of unconsciousness, gouged her eyes and broke her nose and jaw. He then went to sleep, his work done. Tina Nash was permanently blinded.

Nash had called the police nine times before the blinding because of Jenkin’s previous violence, but had declined to press charges against him. ‘But this time,’ she said on television, weeping copiously from her sightless eyes, ‘he went too far.’ She was the mother of two children, not by Jenkin, and from my experience of having worked in the social milieu from which both she and Jenkin almost certainly came, I should have been surprised if Jenkin were the first violent boyfriend she had ever known.

My question is this: will the reviewer of a future book about this terrible case (surely one is in the process of being written) write:

It’s not really credible, but gripping all the same – and a

salutary portrait of sexual relationships after women’s

liberation….?

I rather doubt it; and it is interesting to speculate why.

If someone were to take the case of Shane Jenkin, who seems to have been a monster of jealousy, an Othello-figure quite without a positive side, as being emblematic of relationships between men and women in our time, he or she would almost certainly be accused immediately of golden-ageism: that is to say, the unwarranted and rather naïve belief that at some time in the recent past things were so much better that such terrible things were never done by men to women. He or she would be accused of wanting to return to that supposedly golden age, either openly or surreptitiously, of wanting to roll back the reforms of, say, the past half century.

But of course the reviewer of the book by Forester is guilty of a mirror-image attitude, that until those reforms all was horribly violent and repressive from the woman’s point of view. Thanks to those reforms, nothing like it is known today. This is not the historiography of the golden-age, but of the leaden-age.

How might one assess the competing and indeed diametrically opposed historiographical claims? The first thing to say is that, when it comes to human wickedness, there is no new thing under the sun, that practically no hideous act is totally without precedent. The second is that one swallow doesn’t make a summer; remarkable cases are remarkable precisely because they are out of the ordinary.

Nevertheless, remarkable cases may be (if I am allowed to mix a metaphor) the tip of an iceberg. Forester might have been using his murderous wife and mother-in-law to make a general point about the marriage of the time; and Shane Jenkin might just be the worst of a very large cohort of violent, jealous men.

Let us suppose that both cases are in some sense emblematic of the relationships of their time: which would be worse? It depends partly on statistics, of course: how many women were subjected to brutal husbands in such a way that murder was their only escape, and how many are now subjected to Jenkin-type violence?

I confess to a prejudice that in certain respects the arrangements of the past, far from perfect and necessitous of reform as they undoubtedly were, were better than those today, at least for those in the lower half of society – that is to say the half upon whom the effects of reform can safely be disregarded by reformers.

Certainly the Shane Jenkin story was all too familiar to me from my work as a doctor in an inner city. There marriage as an institution had collapsed entirely, to the extent that no child, except if it were of Indian subcontinental descent, was born legitimate. What had replaced marriage was a kind of Brownian motion of the affections: couples came together and split up in an almost random fashion.

Unfortunately, this was not accompanied by any loss of the desire for the exclusive sexual possession of another person, a desire that had more to do with the maintenance of self-importance than with love. Where relationships are inherently unstable, and can break at any moment, but the desire for exclusive possession remains, it is only natural that there should be an overgrowth of insensate jealousy. Such jealousy is the cause, or at any rate the occasion, of the worst violence between sexual partners. Where social arrangements increase jealousy, therefore, they increase violence.

So when the reviewer of the book by Forester implied that it was a portrait of marriage before Women’s Liberation, she was willfully ignoring the unpleasant consequences of the changes of which she was no doubt strongly in favor. What one must always remember, of course, is that no human arrangements will ever produce bliss without a residue of misery.

First published in the Library of Law and Liberty.

Posted on 07/09/2012 7:06 AM by Theodore Dalrymple
Comments
9 Jul 2012
stephena55

 If I remember correctly, the last novel of Thomas Hardy, Jude the Obscure, was, amongst other things, a polemic against the then unbreakable bonds of marriage and their cruel consequences in some cases.  Would you have a view on that? Or would it simply confirm your stated position. 

One with which I heartily agree.



10 Jul 2012
Christina McIntosh

 Speaking as a paid-up member of the Mothers' Union, I would say that I heartily approve of the institution of monogamous marriage, the basic form of which has been practised and promoted by the Christian community for two millennia.  It was, of course, a Jew - Jesus of Nazareth - himself unmarried, who gave it his endorsement.  The Jews, despite the polygamy of some (not all) of the great figures in their history - seem to have been mostly monogamous by the time of Jesus, although they didn't get round to formally anathematising polygyny until rather later. 

But even Our Lord admitted the possibility of divorce, on grounds of adultery (while at the same time saving from stoning a woman accused of adultery, doing so with such resonating authority that no Christian community ever dared go against him).  And over time the deep inner logic of Christianity and the fact that the pastoral epistles and the gospels suggest strongly that self-control, in sexual matters as in others, are enjoined upon men as upon women, undid the double standard (the double standard we see rampant in 'Anna Karenina', for instance, whereby male promiscuity and adultery was winked at whilst female adultery was condemned as if it were the end of the world  ) to bring about a recognition of the reality that the infidelity of a husband should be as strong a ground for divorce, should the woman so choose, as the infidelity of a wife.

(There is of course, too, the unpleasant fact that in the days before antibiotics, an unchaste spouse could give to their chaste partner all manner of nasty diseases; indeed, gonorrhea was once called 'the honeymoon disease', so I have heard, because so many chaste brides caught it from their infected husbands, on their honeymoons...In Africa, virtuous wives are given HIV by their philandering husbands...which means, in effect, that the husband kills his wife, only in slow motion.).

A parish priest I knew stated once, in a sermon on marriage, that he had in his own experience never known a marriage to survive the infidelity of one or the other spouse (he was talking about people within the Christian community).

Hence, although I am strongly in favour of marriage, and am delighted when couples who have been 'living together' decide to go a step further and publicly, formally, in front of lots of witnesses, legally commit themselves to a permanent alliance, I think divorce has to be an option in cases of adultery  or in case of desertion, and that it is bleakly necessary in cases where it is discovered that one or the other spouse is sexually abusing any child in the household, and in cases where either spouse is physically violent to the other, or toward children within the household.  No-one should be made to continue living with a person who has harmed or is threatening harm against him or her; who may even be threatening murder.

I know a woman who left her marriage, taking her two young children, because she had become coldly and rationally convinced that if she remained, her husband might kill her. She was a practising Christian, and she did not take this step lightly, even though she had a job as a professional engineer and was able to work to support herself and the children after her flight.

I must say I am glad that in the 20th century, in a western country, she had that option, to flee a life-threatening situation; that she had the professional training that would enable her to support herself and the children, and that she could know that her family and friends, including those within her church, would not reject or ostracise her for having decided to leave her husband and get a divorce.

Final thought: there is much that groups like Mothers' Union are doing to try to prevent problems before they arise, or to heal that which has hope of amending, by helping at-risk families and children, and offering very basic positive teaching on the subject of marriage and parenting.  they are patiently and perseveringly doing it in the midst of absolute chaos in places like the Congo; and they are also doing it in the chaos of postmodern Britain.






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