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Saturday, 1 December 2012
Al Qaeda suicide operatives set to (go on) strike!
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Reports have spread on the Interweb concerning an imminent strike by British Al Qaeda operatives, albeit one not related to the common earthly fiscal issues that the Western infidel faces for the foreseeable future, praise be.

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( or B.O.O.M. ) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return; but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, an Al Qaeda Spokesman explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns; but, Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway."

Whilst I am sure most will sympathise that a reduction from 72 to 60 virgins is a hardship difficult for any true Jihadist to bear, Al Qaeda is quite correct in pointing out that terrorist attacks since September 11th have been prolific to say the very least.

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Posted on 12/01/2012 2:09 PM by Robert Harris
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