8 Jul 2008
reactionry
Those Swarmin'* Indo-European Aryans
"I will be good"
EW neglects to include the assertion made by Victoria's consort, who did not lack for handcuffs: "No, you've been a very naughty cousin!" Also omitted was "Sticky Vicky's" (neither bathing* nor birthday suits were her strong suits) reply: "Very well then; just remember that the safety words are 'We are not abused' and that, here making a (ahem) disarming proclamation, cousin Willy, his nose so brown from kissing up to the Austrian Empire, will not be joining in our 'reign dear games'."
Queen Victoria also received the first official transatlantic telegram from our Beloved Great Wit**, U.S. President James Buchanan, on August 16, 1858: "Do you have Prince Albert in the can?"
"..and if you can't be good, be careful!"
I should seize this opportunity to apologize, in the interest of fostering a Christian-Hindoo alliance against Islam, for reprinting an offensive missive from my crazy aunt, Alice Roosevelt Longworthless, whom I keep in the attic.
I can no more truly disown her than can Keith Ellison or Barack Obama truly disavow "Calypso Louie" Farrakhan. I empty her can (or as she delicately puts it, "chamber pot") weekly, and am intensely interested in her well-being; at least until I master the art of forging her Social Security checks.
Said epistle came in the form of an RSVP to the Shree Swaminarayan Temple Cardiff Silver Jubilee:
R.S.V.I.P.
Dearest Swami & Spouse,
I'd be delighted to attend your Flaming Curry Jubilee, and I'm sure that my Teddy-Sloth-Bear will feel right at home with your devotees, but if you don't have anything good to say about Anglo-American Civilization, have a suttee next to me.
Relightedly Yours,
Alice Roosevelt Longworthless
P.S. Mind if you smoke?
* "On account of the flies"
** Please do be careful how you pronounce this
8 Jul 2008
Artemis Gordon Glidden
if you can't be good, be careful!
Queen Victoria was an early spokesperson for French Letters? Good on her.
