Monday, 20 January 2020
For Frederick Feirstein, 1940-2020

by Phyllis Chesler

“Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet Prince/And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.” William Shakespeare.

A poet, a playwright, a screen writer, a psycho-analyst, a tough Jew, a tender Jew, an athlete, and a restless, driven soul has just died. He was also my dear friend and his name is—must I really write WAS?—Fred. Just Fred. But also Fred and Linda, who is now a widow after 57 years of married life. They did everything together and what they did apart they discussed as only two psycho-analysts might do. Slowly, savoring each detail, every possibility.

Fred—of the warm smile and the worn sneakers, lived in our village, in our immediate neighborhood and we often met down the block or two blocks away at day’s end, or at either of our homes. He and Linda loved to hear Susan describe one of her cases; Fred viewed the stories as material for the theater or television. Fred always had plans, big plans, he never gave up on any of his dreams, although we were both keenly aware of the many mounting obstacles. Perhaps when one is garlanded at a young age, one never gives up. 

Fred. His cardiologist had literally just pronounced him in good enough health but Death, nevertheless, “kindly stopped for (him)” the very next day as he waited in yet another doctor’s office. A nurse pounded on his chest, the doctor tried mouth-to-mouth resuscitation but to no avail. Death had to take him by surprise, there was no way he would ever have “stopped for Death.”

Fred. He wrote so many poems about so many subjects, beginning with his love for his wife and son, David. Sometimes, he and Linda talked of little else other than their son and grandsons. Sometimes, they talked about everything else: Politics, poetry, times gone by, bad theater, good theater, theater-theater, Fred’s good friend Sir Arnold Wesker, their analytic patients, the analytic institute, their daughter-in-law, David’s in-laws, Jewish sorrows, trauma, travel, the place in Rhode Island—and much, much more.

Fred. Just last week we agreed to have more frequent playdates. And I remember how we three hunched together to watch a movie about Viennese-born Stefan Zweig on my laptop screen; how we tried to make sense of Zweig’s refusing to condemn the Nazis and of his own suicide once safely ensconced in Brazil. We decided that Zweig did not want to live after his world, the world as it was before World War Two was now irretrievably gone. 

And now my world, our world is smaller, lonelier with his absence. Of course, we can always find him in his published work—and we can keep him in our hearts. This is how Linda and David told the grandsons. Where’s Fred? “He is now and forever in our hearts.”


“Because I could not stop for Death

He kindly stopped for me.

The Carriage held but just Ourselves

And Immortality.”

Emily Dickinson.

Posted on 01/20/2020 6:45 AM by Phyllis Chesler
20 Jan 2020
Send an emailHarriet
Such a beautiful tribute, a witness to a life well loved. May his memory be a blessing to you and his family and all he held dear.

20 Jan 2020
Vivienne Ziner
Phyllis- What a beautiful, sincere and moving eulogy. thank you for sharing.

20 Jan 2020
Send an emailelaine Mayers Salkaln
Oh Phyllis, Your words, as always, resonate and reverberate... At 86, I have lost so many dear friends and shall cherish these final words... they too, "reside in my heart,," I LOVED YOUR FILM INTERVIEW WITH RABBI GOLUB, . YOU RESIDE IN MY HEART...

2 Apr 2020
Paul Andrew Lucre
I only just found this beautiful tribute. I learned so much from Fred & was so lucky to get to know him, Thank you for this lovely remembrance. He was truly a Prince Among Men. There is a Frederick Feirstein-shaped hole in our hearts out here in Krakow. I'll always cherish his wisdom, generosity, zest for life, laughter and so much more. Thank you for this!

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