by Lorna Salzman (February 2016)
TO: Donald Trump
FROM: Pres. Barack Obama and the Democratic National Committee
SUBJECT: in appreciation for your racist rants
We are really liking the way you strut your stuff! It isn’t our style but when did we ever have style? When we nominated Al Gore, the liberal bore? Actually maybe when we nominated Bill Clinton (before his trespasses of course). But things are different today. Boring is SO last year. The airwaves are crackling with excitement over students who think that anything that happened before 2001 belongs in the dustbin and that history is bunk if it is written by whites.
But that was then and this is now. Our campuses are jumping, liberal agnostics are cursing Richard Dawkins for saying the same things that they believe, the Blame Game is big time…liberals are furious over American “imperialism”, i.e., the overthrow of the certified madmen Hussein and Qaddafi, whose removal they blame for the existence of ISIS….and now the biggest leftist opportunity of all: to persuade the American public that U.S. foreign policy is responsible for every act of terrorism, every honor killing, every hanging of gays, not to mention the existence of Hamas, Hezbollah, Boko Haram, Al Shabab, or allah forbid, the quran or hadith or Muslim imams. (But you are correct to point out that terrorist weapons in the Middle East were ours…..left behind when the impotent local military in Afghanistan and Iraq scampered back to their foxholes).
So let’s get to the point. You have absolutely, magnificently done your best to help our election prospects. We are not making this up! There is nothing we and our prospective presidential candidate appreciates more than foaming- at-the-mouth racist statements about immigrants, refugees, Syrians and Muslims in general. Every time you open your mouth and remove your foot, you are doing us a favor. Why? Because the more you rant and rave about the dangers of Muslim terrorism, and the more you try to scare people witless (those who aren’t already that way), the less people will believe you! Especially the liberals and the independents.
Of course what they don’t realize is that we Democrats are just as scared as the Republicans are of radical Islam. We aren’t dumb though sometimes some of us act that way. We can see the evidence right in front of our faces. We can count the bodies and add up the thousands of victims of Islamism. Anyone can search the record….the dates, places and numbers killed since 2001 even though the violence and oppression of women, gays, apostates and underage girls started light-years before that date. In fact it started with Mohammed himself and has been going on, at his beck and call, since the 7th century AD. What did you think the Sunnis and Shiites were squabbling about? The recipe for hummus? Who has younger wives? Whether stoning or beheading is better for “adulterous” women?
But your screeches —sorry, speeches —are now the only thing that the public pays attention to, because liberal sentiments and refusal to acknowledge that crimes are committed by criminals are our ace in the hole. The more you point the finger at the real criminals, the more opportunity we have to manipulate the bleeding-heart media and promote the notion (which we agree is absurd) of Islamophobia…as if there were no reason to fear or hate it. We are really loving you! Your speeches make us look reasonable and credible, and after all isn’t that what elections are about? Certainly not truth or ethics….we ALL agree on that, in our gentleman’s agreement to not prosecute corruption and crime committed by the other party so as to prevent them from prosecuting us for the same thing.
Actually, we owe you a debt of gratitude not only for things you have said or done but for the long list of things you NEVER said or did. We refer of course to the past ten years, or even longer, when the Muslim Brotherhood’s numerous front groups in this country, and its mosques, started their campaign of “stealth jihad”, i.e., nonviolent jihad intended to corrupt our civic life, public schools, Constitution and media, through “interfaith dialogue” (the Muslims really pulled the wool over the eyes of all those rabbis, didn’t they? Smart move). Instead of a head-long attack against the separation of religion and state or the First Amendment, they started slowly….special privileges at universities like foot baths, separation of women and men at swimming pools and sports facilities, Halal food in prisons, tours for eight year-old public school students of active mosques (separating boy and girls of course and making them bow down and pray), and of course recruiting non-Muslims, primarily Jewish rabbis, for press conferences and statements whenever they thought they could get publicity and support for their outrageous demands for special treatment.
So we are really grateful for the injection of mega-vitamin credibility. This would never have happened had your presidential candidates not been ignoramuses and rabble rousers. It’s the same every election time, we need not remind you: vote for the lesser of two evils. This has allowed us to win with our weakest cards, not our strongest. We don’t have to go out on a limb and tell the truth, or take a principled position or refuse to compromise. We can rely on you and your party to do the dirty work for us, while we sit back and look holier-than-thou and everyone for that matter.
It may be painful to remind you, but the fact is that we confess our failure. Had we had the cojones and principles to face up to the threat of jihad, both stealth and violent, after 9/11, we, not you, might have co-opted the issue and occupied the high road. We could have taken the radical Islam issue by the horns, we could have admitted that yes, Islam is waging a religious war to re-establish the caliphate, and we could have realized (as many on the right did) that the war would be waged right here on our campuses, in our media, in our congress, and in our own communities, utilizing all the favorite propaganda tactics of fascism, especially invented accusations against dissenters and our critics, charging them with “Islamophobia” which would come to be equated with “racism”, the liberals’ biggest no-no and fall-back position when they want to change the subject and take control of the debate.
We could have stemmed this easily by simply telling the truth about sharia law, deploring the inequality of women and of child marriage, of Muslim censorship, of honor killings, of hangings of gays and apostates, and instead defending our Constitution and Bill of Rights and attacking those who want to suppress and censor any criticism of and dissent from Muslim doctrine. We could have avoided trapping our irresponsible media in the Big Lie, where anyone who dares to criticize the Muslim religion (but not Catholicism or Judaism) is an offender and a “racist.” You also could have found a better word instead of “racist” since Muslims are not a race but a religion. And since when are ideas and opinions illegal? Censoring those is exactly the same as censoring speech, which is simply uttered thought.
But we digress. We can’t change the past. So we anticipate a future of at least four years in the White House thanks to the wonderful cover you have provided for our real thoughts and beliefs, and for speaking out and making such fools of yourselves that voters will have nowhere else to go except - once again - into our lair. This time you laid the bait. Thanks Donald!
Lorna Salzman's career as an environmental activist and writer began when the late David Brower hired her to be the regional representative of Friends of the Earth in NYC. Later she worked as an editor on National Audubon's American Birds magazine and as director of Food & Water, an early opponent of food irradiation, and then spent three years as a natural resource specialist in the NYC Dept. of Environmental Protection. She co-founded the New York Green Party in 1984 and in 2004 she sought the U.S. Green Party's presidential nomination. She is the author of “Politics as if Evolution Mattered,” which addresses the intersection of evolution with socio-political policy.
To comment on this article, please click here.
To help New English Review continue to publish provocative satires like this one, please click here..
If you enjoyed this article and want to read more by Lorna Salzman, please click here.