The Jihad Against Chocolate


From the Malay Mail comes this crazy news item. Jihad has been declared against the British chocolate maker Cadbury. Yes, you heard me correctly. Twenty Muslim organizations in Malaysia have declared Jihad, Islamic holy war, against chocolate.

It seems that that a trace amount of Pork DNA was found in two Cadbury chocolate bars. The bars in question were Cadbury Dairy Milk Hazelnut and Cadbury Dairy Milk Roast Almond. The infinitesimal porcine DNA was enough to set Muslims off on their second favorite activity of being offended. (Their all time favorite activity is Jihad, the killing and torture of infidels.) DNA can only detected by an extremely powerful microscope. The manufacture of such an instrument is far beyond the knuckle dragging mental capacity of 7th Century barbarians. (They probably bought a microscope from the Jewish state of Israel).

The reactions of Muslims opposing Cadbury Chocolate bars are down right laughable. One of the Muslims who was offended by the porcine DNA contaminant in the chocolate was Ustaz Masridzi Sat. He blamed all the social ills of Malay society on the horrible sin of eating foods that were not halal.

“Because a person eats pork it is difficult to guide him to the right path. When the day of judgment comes that person will be wearing a pig face because of what he has eaten. (Oh, horrors !) We need to unite, we must declare Jihad.”

Another prominent Muslim, Abu Bakar Yahya, said the pork DNA was an infidel attempt to weaken the faith of Muslims. I think they are doing a far better job of weakening their own irrational faith without the help of all of us infidels.

One hysterical Muslima asked if Cadbury would “wash away the tainted blood in our veins.” Why do I have sense that a demand for reparations will be next on their Islamic list of ultimatums ?

But all of this has given me a an idea. We should load up all our B-52s and carpet bomb Malaysia with Cadbury chocolate bars. We should invent the equivalent of Cadbury chocolate cluster bombs. Can you imagine the consternation and panic that would ensue from a chocolate cluster bombing on a rampaging, rioting Muslim mob of madmen. Just the thought of the Almighty Allah having to give each one of the Muslims a pig face to wear for all eternity would cause me to bust a gut with laughter. Who said there was no humor in Islam ?

Just think, if cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed killed several hundreds of rioting Muslims around the world, what deathly problems could be caused by Cadbury chocolate bar bombs. Obviously this is a sinister plot brought about by the JEWS ! They are the source of all evil in the world. The Mossad probably had the cooperation of MI5 and the CIA, a perfect trinity of noxious malediction.

Oh, the unmitigated evil of those ominous Cadbury Chocolate bars.

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