By Esmerelda Weatherwax
Having read Janice Fiamengo’s essay this morning I have some thoughts of my own on the subject of men and housework, or perhaps, in the light of my further observations that should be redefined as ‘cleaning’.
I won’t argue with the assertion that “when a woman is happy with her man (and with herself), she is far less inclined to dwell on who does what percentage of housework” because I think it is right. I’m also not happy with the tenor of the study being examined that makes sex transactional with the currency being housework. If you are going to be that grasping and monetary raise your aspirations – hold out for diamonds, caviar and enough money to employ a cleaner.
What I would disagree with is that certain of the cleaning chores that these husbands in the survey are asked to do are emasculating and feminising. These include vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen and cleaning the toilet.
My husband spent his teens and early 20s in the army. The barracks, the men’s (boys when he joined) sleeping quarters and mess all had to be kept immaculately, and they were expected to do this themselves. With regular, sometimes random and unexpected inspections. Beds, kit, lockers. Scrubbing the bathrooms, scrubbing the floors, I don’t think there was much carpet to vacuum.
There were female civilian cleaners employed on some bases. In 1972 5 of them were murdered when the IRA bombed the HQ of the Princess Royal Barracks in Aldershot. But mostly they cleaned public areas and MOD civilian offices.
When our toilet needs cleaning either of us could and would do it.
My father, his father, many of our uncles all went through similar training during WWII in military and civilian services. We both grew up seeing men who did not regard a cleaning task as emasculating. Maybe the Army/RAF/AFS gave them sufficient confidence in their adult manhood that they saw it as a job like any other. My father went on as Head of Maintenance at the factory where he was the foreman electrician to manage a team of male and female cleaners.
One of my jobs at the Lord Chancellors Department took me into various prisons to interview defendants outside the usual legal briefing meeting with private solicitors. I got to know the Legal Aid team of one prison I visited most frequently and over a cup of tea before I went back to the office we got chatting. I will admit to being
startled to find that (at that time – 40 years ago) a party of men from this prison attended the city’s women’s prison weekly to do some of the cleaning. Had women been brought in to clean for the men I would have been outraged, furious and horrified. But it was shock, and sorrow, that some women in that prison were so damaged, incapacitated and untaught that they were not, or not yet, capable of cleaning their own surroundings. Useful cleaning gave the men a sense of purpose and self-worth. And much to everyone’s pleasant surprise there had so far not been any incident of improper behaviour. I don’t know how long the scheme continued, and have no idea what happens with cleaning now.
Having said that – spider in the bath? Men’s work!
3 Responses
I actually enjoy cleaning the house, the bathrooms and the kitchen.
It comes from years of being a member of a bicycle club (The Birkenhead North End C.C.) where it was a mark of distinction to turn up for the Sunday morning ride with your bike absolutely gleaming, the spokes sparkling and the rims mirror bright.
I can remember many a Saturday night where my brother and I sat in the kitchen, stripped down the bikes and polished every last ball bearing for the race the next morning.
So, cleaning gave me a sense of achievement and pride… it was never considered as a male or female thing.
This has carried over to my household chores. (although I don’t consider them chores).
Whenever I scrub and clean I do it to make myself feel better about my surroundings, I am at peace when I look around and everything radiates “clean”
My darling wife has the same approach but there’s certain areas of the house that she has her own higher standards and so I don’t venture into that protectorate.
Happiness is doing stuff that you like to do and feeling accomplished in a job well done.
I think William Corden’s last sentence summarized it well.
Re men and cleaning… one word … HERCULES.