Why there is no marriage in heaven…

Written by Shel Silverstein and performed by Tompall Glaser

Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tire.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you’re leaving me.

Now don’t I let you wash the car on Sunday?
Don’t I warn you when you’re gettin fat?
Ain’t I a-gonna take you fishin’ with me someday?
Well, a man can’t love a woman more than that.
Ain’t I always nice to your kid sister?
Don’t I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet ‘cos I like you when you’re sweet,
And you know it ain’t feminine to fight.

So, put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
Go out to the car and lift it up and change the tire.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you’re leaving me.

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3 Responses

  1. I do wonder how many men on earth experienced marriage like that in the last few generations. They might write similar songs from the other perspective in which they anticipate an after life of playing golf when they want, driving when and where they want, and being able to drink something stronger than tea, among other things. Most of those services the singer asks for are pretty low effort ones, so performing them manually is a small price to pay… I do however retain little respect for a man who can’t boil his own tea or fill his own pipe. And he can wash the car, or indeed clean the house, only when and to the degree he needs to. Good times.

    Of course, in heaven presumably everything is self-cleaning if there is anything material at all, so there’s that. I am certainly hoping for a dust-free heaven.

  2. Geez, you guys are as clueless as the character in the song – which is a joke from a time long ago, when country music had a lot of humor in it.

    Mark 12:25: ‘For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.’

    Pace Joseph Smith, it certainly wouldn’t be heaven otherwise, not for women anyway.

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